Safeguarding Children From Domestic Abuse And Violence
Please note the following points before you read this webpage:
1) This webpage is specifically about how to safeguard and protect your children from domestic abuse and violence and the affect on them. We endeavour to suggest and give guidance that you can think about and act upon if you feel that it is in yours and your children’s best interest to do so.
2) A detailed Help Guide about child proceedings in the family court and domestic violence has been written elsewhere on this website. It contains 2 mini guides that discuss the following topics:
Mini guide 1 – Child proceedings in the family court and domestic violence including coercive control.
- What constitutes domestic violence including coercive control
- Are there any domestic violence acts passed by government – Sarah’s Law, Clare’s Law, Domestic abuse act 2021
- Who can suffer from domestic violence? Is there a specific type of person it can happen to?
- Who can you turn to for help?
- What rights do domestic violence suffers have in child proceedings?
- What pre-conceived ideas and notions do judges, magistrates and the courts have regarding domestic violence?
- What is victim shaming in domestic violence?
- Parental alienation used as a counter argument for domestic violence in the family courts?
Mini guide 2 – Child proceedings in the family court and post separation abuse, narcissism and gaslighting.
- Post separation abuse
- Narcissism
- Gaslighting
To read about any of the topics above please click on the following links below.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR CHILD PROCEEDINGS IN THE FAMILY COURT AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Please find below our write up on protecting your children from domestic violence and abuse.
WHEN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & ABUSE HAPPENS IN THE HOME, THE CHILDREN ARE ALSO VICTIMS
All forms of domestic violence have a detrimental affect on the targeted person. In addition to this there is also a huge detrimental affect on other individuals around the targeted person such as friends, neighbours, and family members especially children. The ripple effect can be and often is very damaging to all these other individuals.
Most children will:
1) Directly witness (seeing and hearing) the domestic violence and abuse first hand when it occurs in the home. They will also witness the pain and suffering of the targeted parent or carer. It most likely will affect their relationship with them.
2) Sense tension, fear and trauma.
3) Be directly targeted along with their parent or carer.
4) They can get caught up in the domestic violence and get hurt when a child intervenes to help.
5) They will experience neglect from their parents because the focus is on the domestic violence.
WHAT AFFECT DOES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE HAVE ON CHILDREN?
Short term
1) They could develop anxiety
2) Depression may set in.
3) They may feel inadequate, powerless and guilty because they cannot protect their parent or carer.
4) They may start to find reasons to not be at home so they do not have to witness the domestic violence.
5) They may try and find solace elsewhere, often in the wrong place and with the wrong people.
6) They may start to blame themselves for the domestic violence.
7) They may lose focus on their education and achieving.
8) They may have a lot of pent up anger within by witnessing the domestic violence that they start to cause trouble at school, become aggressive, bully others, truant, and express their anger in the wrong ways.
9) They may internalise the anger and stress they are feeling and start to self-harm, withdraw and isolate themselves.
10) They could start smoking, drinking and engage in risky behaviours.
11) They may have feelings of confusion because they cannot understand why they are witnessing domestic violence. The confusion may also be because they have a mixture of feelings towards the abusive parent and the abused parent.
12) Young children will sense the tension and unease and may start to wet the bed, cry more often, and display signs of parental separation anxiety.
13) Children witnessing or suffering from domestic violence will generally have more stomach aches, headaches and illnesses than children who do not.
Long term.
1) Difficulty in emotionally connecting with another individual.
2) Trust issues with others.
3) They may suffer from nightmares and flashbacks
4) They will probably have low self confidence and self worth.
5) They could repeat the domestic violence cycle.
6) They may find it difficult to hold down a strong relationship.
7) They themselves may become victims of domestic violence.
8) They will generally have more health issues than others.
9) They will generally have more mental health issues than others.
AS A PARENT HOW CAN YOU SAFEGUARD YOUR CHILDREN FROM THE SHORT TERM AND LONG TERM EFFECTS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE?
The team here at I AM L.I.P would like to make the following suggestions for you to think about. This issue is a tough one, it is very easy for us at this stage and as outsiders to offer guidance. However, many of us have suffered from and witnessed domestic violence and it has impacted our lives to a significant degree. So the suggestions we give have a sense of experience behind them as well.
We understand right now, you and your children might are not be thinking straight, your lives may be full of pain and trauma. One of the main things we would like to emphasise is that you and your children must completely and unreservedly know, understand and admit that any domestic violence any of you have suffered from or witnessed IS NOT your fault and none of you are to blame in anyway.
1) NO EXCUSES FOR THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE – Do not under any circumstances make excuses in front of the children for the perpetrator of domestic violence. This excuses the behaviour.
2) NOT YOUR FAULT – Please DO NOT tell the children it was your fault because you could have done things differently. This teaches children that there are excuses and reasons for domestic violence.
3) TALK TO THE SCHOOL AND ASK FOR HELP – Talk to your child’s school and teachers about what is happening at home so they can play special attention to your child. The pastoral care department may be able to refer your child for counselling. Also talk to the PHSE teacher and ask if they intend to teach the following to their pupils:
- What are healthy relationships?
- What is consent?
- Gender inequality
- Domestic Violence and abuse
The PHSE teacher could pay particular attention to issues that you feel your children would benefit from.
4) GET COUNSELLING IMMEDIATELY – Your GP can refer you and your child for counselling and support that may help you both with the trauma you have or are suffering. The counselling will help your child deal with the domestic abuse and find healthy ways to move forward.
5) INFORM THE POLICE – The police have the power to remove your perpetrator from your home, keep them away or arrest them.
6) APPLY FOR A NON-MOLESTATION COURT ORDER – You can ask the court to issue a court order ordering your perpetrator keeps away from you and your child. The form you will need is FL401. Please click on the links below.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR FORM FL401
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR NSPCC FOR PROTECTING CHILDREN FROM DOMESTIC ABUSE
7) GET PROFESSIONAL HELP FROM A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ORGANISATION – There are many charitable domestic violence organisations that will help you and your child with all sorts of issues arising because of domestic violence. You will be given a case worker. Please click the link below.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR CONNECT WITH REGISTERED CHARITIES THAT COULD HELP YOU
8) MAKE A PLAN – With the help of a domestic violence case worker make a plan detailing the steps you are going to take to protect you and your children from the domestic violence.
WHO CAN YOU REPORT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE TO?
There are many ways you can report domestic violence and abuse:
1. You can contact the police – You can dial 999 if you or your child is at immediate risk or either of you have witnessed or suffered from domestic abuse. Alternatively if there is no emergency you can dial 101 or file a report online.
LINK TO POLICE WEBSITE TO REPORT A CRIME ONLINE
2. You can contact Crimestoppers – You can report a crime anonymously to crimestoppers. Their telephone number is 0800 555 111.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR CRIMESTOPPERS.
3. You can contact your local authority child services – You can contact your local authority child services and report if you have been abused and your child has witnessed it or been abused themselves.
LINK TO GOVERNMENT WEBSITE TO REPORT CHILD ABUSE TO A LOCAL COUNCIL
4. You can contact the NSPCC – You can contact the NSPCC and report your concerns about domestic abuse your child is witnessing or experiencing directly. If the child is in danger they will call the police.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR NSPCC – CONTACT US
5. You can contact your GP – You can report domestic violence and abuse to your GP. They have the ability to refer you and your children to organisations who can offer you help and
WHERE CAN YOU AS A PARENT TALK, GET HELP AND ADVICE?
You can contact NSPCC – If your child has witnessed or suffered from domestic violence and abuse you can contact the NSPCC and speak to them about your concerns. If the child is in danger they will call the police.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR NSPCC – CONTACT US
You can contact FAMILY LIVES – Family lives was previously known as parentline. You can speak to them about your concerns that your child has witnessed or suffered from domestic abuse.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR FAMILY LIVES – CONTACT US
You can contact SAMARITANS – The samaritans are a free organisation that you can talk to if your child has witnessed or suffered from domestic violence and abuse. Call their helpline on 116 123. They are available 24 hours a day. You can email them, chat online or write them a letter.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR SAMARITANS – CONTACT US
You can contact SUPPORTLINE – Supportline can provide confidential emotional support over the phone if your child has witnessed or suffered from domestic violence and abuse. Their helpline number is 01708 765 200. You can also email them.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR SUPPORTLINE – CONTACT US
You can contact your local authority child services – You can call them directly or look on their website to see if there are any local support groups where you can get support.
LINK TO GOVERNMENT WEBSITE TO FIND YOUR LOCAL AUTHORITY
You can contact VICTIM SUPPORT – Victim support is a charity that can help individuals who have been the victim of a crime. They have a free confidential support telephone line and live chat. They are independent of the police.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR VICTIM SUPPORT – CONTACT US
You can contact other organisations –
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE 16 – CONNECT WITH CHARITABLE ORGANISATIONS THAT COULD HELP YOU.
You can read our help guide for where you can reach out to get help if your child is a victim –
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR WHERE CAN YOU REACH OUT TO GET HELP IF YOUR CHILD IS A VICTIM
WHERE CAN YOUR CHILD TALK, GET HELP AND ADVICE?
Your child can contact CHILDLINE – If your child has witnessed or suffered from domestic violence and abuse and they need to talk to someone, they can call childline.