Education and Child Matters

I AM L.I.P

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The 28 Day 'Final Lap' Of Decision Making To Choose Whether You Want To Share Your Life With A Child

 

We have all seen those baby ads on TV that make us melt. Smiled at others happily playing with young children and wanted the same, perhaps even held our nieces and nephews and felt their warmth. 

Many of you may feel there is something missing from your lives and having a child may complete the picture. No matter how long you have been feeling this way, how ready you feel you are, how strong your desire is or how desperate you are to move forward, from this point onwards you must allow yourself a minimum of 28 days before you make the decision whether you want to share your life with a child.

These 28 days are what we at I AM LIP call your ‘final lap of preparation and decision making’. We always recommend these 28 days for the most important decisions of your life whether it be divorce, having a baby or getting married. 

Sharing your life with a child is a life changing decision, therefore, it is of paramount importance that you spend these 28 days in contemplation, preparation, gaining knowledge of the whole process of bringing up a child by reading this website, becoming aware of all the options available to you and making plans.

There are many things to consider before you take the step to share your life with a child. It is not a decision to be taken lightly because there is no trial period and then you can hand a child back and get a refund. Please remember a child is for life. 

Below is a list of things that we feel you need to consider over these 28 days. 

1) UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WILL BE SHARING YOUR LIFE WITH A CHILD WITH THEM IN THE DIRECTORS CHAIR.

Having a child will change your life and your family forever. It will impact every part of your life. This change that occurs when a child comes along is phenomenal and one that is very underestimated. There is no doubt a child adds so much positivity and value to a parent’s life however, without seeming negative, it is better to be totally aware of what you are getting into for the rest of your life rather than get overwhelmed later. 

You must keep in mind the following points:

  1. A child is a lifelong commitment and responsibility.
  2. Having a child will change your priorities automatically. 
  3. For most of their young life you will put their needs and wants before yours.
  4. For most of their young life your child will be emotionally dependent upon you.
  5. They will also be financially dependent upon you until adulthood.
  6. Every decision you make will have an impact on their life. Whereas before you could just make a decision and act on it, now you will have to think twice and weigh up how your decisions will affect the welfare and wellbeing of your child. 
  7. As a baby they will direct your sleep and indirectly your moods.

2) MAKE SURE IT IS A CHILD YOU WANT OR WILL A PUPPY DO?

When deciding whether you want a child you need to be 100% clear that it isn’t because you are lonely, need company or are bored. If this is the case you can get a kitten or puppy. They will do the trick and fill the void. A pet will give you company, affection and can occupy your time without the lifelong impact a child will have on your life.

3) IF YOU HAVE A PARTNER, IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM HEALTHY AND STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE A CHILD?

It is a myth that a child will sort out any issues you have with your partner or make your relationship stronger. A child most likely will exacerbate all that is wrong in your relationship because they are going to have a physical and emotional impact on both of you. Try and sort out any unresolved issues between you and your partner first before you consider having a child so you can both work and move forward together.

If both of you are strong between yourselves before a child comes along you will both support each other especially when you will have to share your couple time with the baby in the first 6 months or so.

4) IF YOU HAVE A PARTNER HOW DO THEY FEEL ABOUT SHARING THEIR LIFE WITH A CHILD?

It is normally the case that one partner instigates discussions about children. They will feel the need and start mentioning it to the other partner. It is important that the decision to have a child is a joint one. One partner shouldn’t push and persuade the other or try to bring them round. It should be their choice made in freedom because in the long term it could lead to resentment and anger. 

5) IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A PARTNER THEN WILL YOU BE HAPPY RAISING A CHILD BY YOURSELF?

There are many cases where an individual would like to raise a child but they do not have a partner. If this is the case with you then please take a moment and make sure you have the time, the energy and finances to devote to a child because you do not have the backup of a partner.  

6) CAN YOU FINANCIALLY AFFORD A CHILD?

Most probably there will be a drop in income/finances coming into your home once a child is on the way or has arrived. You and your partner need to be aware of this and the impact it will have. Some ways your household income could drop are:

  1. The partner that is pregnant may not be able to do overtime or extra shifts as the pregnancy develops. 
  2. Maternity leave pay will be a drop in income
  3. The partner that gives birth may not be able to do overtime or extra shifts like they used to.
  4. If one of you is going to stay home and look after the child then you will become a one income family.
  5. If this isn’t the case, your nanny or childcare costs may be more than one partners wages. 

7) DO YOU HAVE THE SPACE TO ACCOMODATE A CHILD?

Is your home big enough to accommodate a baby/child or will you and your partner have to find a bigger place? Even if your home can accommodate a child right now, can your home accommodate their future needs. Some questions you may need to ask yourself are:

  1. Where do you both want to raise your child? 
  2. Are there good nurseries and schools in the area?
  3. Is there family nearby to help?
  4. Are there safe parks where you can take your child to pay?

8) CAN YOU PUT YOUR CAREER ON HOLD IF YOU NEED TO?

You and your partner can hire a nanny or send your child to daycare but it may be the case that one of you wants to stay home and look after your child yourself. If this is indeed the case, is the individual who will stay at home to look after the child willing to put their career on hold? Once you decide to put your career on hold, you might not know how many years it will be when you return but when you do, all of your peers will have moved on and progressed. Technology will have progressed and new younger staff will have been hired. Please understand you most probably will go back into the same position (or less) where you left.

9) CAN YOU MAKE THE CHANGES TO YOUR LIFESTYLE THAT ARE REQUIRED?

Right now you can both get away last minute, party, go drinking and come back late and holiday as you please. Once your child arrives, you and your partner will need to think twice before you go out or get away. Provision will need to be put in place for your child or you both may have to take them with you increasing the cost. When you bot want to go out there may be babysitting costs to think about.

Drinking may not be an easy option especially if there is a school run the next morning. 

10) WHAT OPTION OR ROUTE WOULD SUIT YOU SO YOU CAN RECEIVE YOUR CHILD?

Once you and your partner have decided to have a child, the next decision you both will need to make is which option/route will you both take to receive your child. We list 4 options below:

Pregnancy – This option is when one partner conceives and carries the child from conception to birth.

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR NATURAL AND ASSISTED CONCEPTION & PRE-CONCEPTION HEALTH.

Surrogacy – This is the option where a surrogate is used to carry a baby. A fertilised egg is implanted into the surrogate’s uterus.

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR DOMESTIC GESTATIONAL & TRADITIONAL SURROGACY

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR INTERNATIONAL GESTATIONAL SURROGACY

LINL TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR FORMS USED IN THE SURROGACY PROCESS

Fostering – Fostering is the term used when an individual(s) cares for, looks after and brings up someone else’s child as part of their family. The individual doing this is referred to as a foster carer.  

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR FOSTERING

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR PRIVATE FOSTERING

Adoption  – Adoption is the process where the parental responsibility of a child is transferred from the birth parent(s) or any individual or organisation with parental responsibility to the adoptive parent(s). The child will become a member of the adoptive family. Adoption is a legal process and is legally binding.  

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR DOMESTIC CHILD ADOPTION. 

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR INTERCOUNTRY CHILD ADOPTION

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR FORMS USE IN THE ADOPTION PROCESS

11) THINGS TO START DISCUSSING WITH YOUR PARTNER

Once you and your partner have made the decision to go ahead and start a family, then after a few days we suggest you both have a warm discussion about who will do what with regards to the baby/child. You both must communicate your concerns and thoughts to each other. Some of the things that will need to be clarified are:

  1. What do you both expect of each other?
  2. How will the baby duties be shared between the both of you?
  3. How will the parenting duties be shared between the both of you?
  4. What will be the parenting roles?
  5. Who and when will take maternity leave at what point in the pregnancy and after the birth?
  6. Who will administer the discipline and how?
  7. What religion will the child adopt?
  8. If it is a boy will you both circumcise the child?
  9. If the scans reveal a disability what will you both do?
  10. Do you both understand the pressures of parenting?

12) WOULD CORD BLOOD BANKING BE A CONSIDERATION?

Cord blood banking is the term used where your child’s living saving stem cells located within the placenta and umbilical cord are collected for storage. Stem cells are immature cells that can develop the form of other cells. These cells can be used to save the life of your child in the future.

This is something that should be discussed between you and your partner. 

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR CORD BLOOD BANKING