Education and Child Matters

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Child Discipline

 

WHAT IS CHILD DISCIPLINE?

Discipline is the process of gaining and maintaining control of a situation and enforcing order and obedience.  

Discipline is the process that helps your child learn the difference between good and bad behaviour.  

WHAT IS THE AIM OF DISCIPLINE?

Discipline is something a parent administers to achieve the following:

  1. Teach your children to have respect for authority 
  2. To regulate and control behaviour
  3. To create habits and routines
  4. To correct disobedience
  5. To train someone to obey
  6. Allows the establishment of positive actions
  7. Teach your children to make better choices
  8. Teach your children to understand outcomes and consequences.
  9. Teaches a child to fit into their environment.

WHAT IS ANOTHER WORD FOR DISCIPLINE?

Other words for discipline in this context are punishment, chastise, and penalise.

WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENT METHODS OF DISCIPLINE A PARENT CAN USE?

The method you adopt will depend upon your beliefs, your parenting style and the age of your child. You can stick to one method, adapt the method to suit you or take a bit from a few methods and adapt them to your parenting style. It is up to you and what best suits your parenting style and your children.

1) The boundary and consequence discipline method

This is the type of discipline where you will explain, communicate and show your child the boundaries and set limits within which they must live and operate. There will be boundaries that apply to other members of the family also including yourself and then there will be other boundaries that will just apply to your child and they must understand that it is for their betterment because of their age. 

Boundaries are healthy, they keep children safe and make them feel secure because they are living in an environment where they are guided by what they can and cannot do. They also allow a child to establish a routine.

When a child breaks a boundary they must feel and understand the short term and long term outcome of this. You can do this by giving them a consequence. If they do then they will think twice about breaking the boundary again. As a parent the consequence must be suitable (fair and age appropriate) for the boundary that has been broken. The aim is to guide your child back within the boundaries and show them what will happen if they break these boundaries. The consequences are not to take out your anger on your child or belittle them or make them feel inadequate.  

Abuse, name calling and getting personal are not consequences of breaking a boundary. 

If you use this method of discipline you must be able to follow through with the consequence. Don’t be angry when you do follow through, do it calmly. 

The following are different types of consequences:

  1. GENTLE CONSEQUENCES – If your child does not put their clothes in the wash basket but leaves them on the floor in their bedroom then their clothes don’t get washed. The consequence is they will have to wear dirty clothes. This will allow them to realise that unless they put their clothes in the wash basket they are not getting any clean clothes.
  2. GENTLE CONSEQUENCES – If your child forgets their school bag at home try not to go to the school and deliver it. Let them feel the consequence of forgetting their school bag.
  3. CHOICE CONSEQUENCE – If you are trying to sleep and your child is listening to loud music. You can ask politely for them to turn it down. If they do not you can give them a consequence option. Either they can turn the volume down or their radio/laptop/stereo gets confiscated until the next day. They can choose.
  4. STRONG CONSEQUENCE – If your child is being stubborn about having a packet of crisps and you have said no, explain why you are saying no then give them a warning. If they continue, give a second warning, If they still continue then ground them for half an hour. If your child does heed the warning and changes their behaviour it is important that you recognise this and praise them.
  5. STRONG CONSEQUENCE – When children are a little older sometimes taking away privileges as a result of bad behaviour can be effective. For example if your child is on their phone at night and they will no stop you can take their phone away for one week from evening time to morning time

2) The praise and feel good discipline method (also called positive discipline)

This discipline method focuses on and reinforces your child’s good behaviour only. Your children enjoy praise and if they feel their efforts will be praised and rewarded they will do more and stay away from the negative bad behaviour.

This method aims to reduce the need for discipline because you are encouraging good behaviour. The language used is positive. This method removes the need to shame, belittle and scold your child for doing something wrong. 

‘You have worked hard so whatever the result I know you have done your best’

3) The preventive discipline method

The aim of this method of discipline is to lessen the occurrence of bad behaviour. This method comprises various techniques.

  1. Giving 2 options to make your child feel as if they are in control of situations – For example would you like to go to the park to play or watch a movie on television. 
  2. Give clear and firm directions in advance – For example inform your child you are leaving home at 3.00pm and they must be ready and downstairs before then
  3. Give clear instructions – For example inform your child once they have finished cleaning their room then you can both sit down and watch the movie. 
  4. Be observant – Notice if your child is tired or hungry which could affect their behaviour. Very often there is an underlying cause for your child’s bad behaviour which needs addressing rather than the symptom.   
  5. When your child is starting to throw a tantrum and you can see the signs of bad behaviour distract their attention and get them to focus on something else that is positive. You can do this by going for a walk, playing a game, or changing the subject and energy in the room. 

4) The constructive discipline method

This discipline method turns all bad behaviour into a positive constructive learning experience so the same bad behaviour is not repeated again and again. Discuss the bad behaviour with your child, find the underlying cause and then encourage them (with yourself) to find solutions to prevent the bad behaviour from happening again and to rectify the outcome of the bad behaviour.

The questions you can ask your child are –

  • Why do you think what you did was wrong?
  • What else could you have done to achieve a different result?
  • Now you know the outcome of your actions what will you do next time to ensure you get a different result.

This method develops a strong healthy relationship between you and your child and teaches them to look for positive outcomes. 

5) The empathetic and emotional discipline method

This method teaches children to think about the impact of their behaviour on others. Teach your children to put themselves into others shoes and how would they like it if someone was doing to them what they are doing to others. 

At the same time teach your child to be honest about their feelings towards certain situations and act accordingly. Empathy and understanding the impact of ones actions upon others is something that if your child can grasp will hold them in good stead for the rest of their lives.