Education and Child Matters

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Leaving Home

 

WHAT IS LEAVING HOME?

Leaving home is the process of leaving your parents residence to go and live in another residence.

AT WHAT AGE CAN A CHILD LEAVE HOME?

A child under 16 years of age cannot leave home. Neither can you ask them to leave or force them out.

A child aged 16 – 17 years of age can leave home without the permission of the individual(s) with parental responsibility for them. They can also be asked to leave home, however they cannot rent or buy a property.

An individual aged 18 years and above can leave home without permission and they can be asked to leave. They can rent or buy a property.

FOR WHAT REASONS CAN A CHILD LEAVE HOME?

A child can leave home temporarily for the following reasons:

  1. To go to boarding school
  2. They are sentenced to a detention centre
  3. To study at university
  4. To get experience through a work placement
  5. To go into temporary care
  6. Family issues where their parents cannot look after them 

A child can leave home permanently for the following reasons:

  1. To rent a place of their own
  2. To buy their own home
  3. They may move away for a new job 
  4. They have been made homeless and lost their family 

WHAT DOES A CHILD NEED TO CONSIDER WHEN LEAVING HOME?

Leaving the parental home is a giant step for anyone. All of a sudden your child is solely responsible for many aspects of their life. Leaving home can go smoothly if planned properly.

  1. When your child brings up the subject, ask them to think long and hard before making the decision to leave. On a piece of paper make two lists. One for the pros of leaving and one for the cons. Once they have written them out, ask them to compare these two lists and then decide whether they want to leave home.
  2. Ask your child to have a deep conversation with you about whether it is the right thing to do.
  3. Your child needs to sort out their finances. They will need to write down all the money they have coming in and then write a detailed account of what their expenditure (bill, rent, travel and food) will be when they move out. Can they afford to move out? Is their income sufficient to cover all the costs? Also is their income temporary and if it is what will they do once this income is gone?
  4. Your child will need to plan the whole move and be on top of things for the next 6 months. If they need it they can buy furniture from second hand shops.

WHERE CAN YOUR CHILD TALK, GET HELP AND ADVICE?

Your child can contact CHILDLINE – If your child is leaving home and they need to talk to someone, they can call Childline.

LINK TO WEBSITE FOR CHILDLINE – CONTACT US

Your child can contact SHELTER – If your child wants to leave home or there are issues and they need to talk, they can call SHELTER.

LINK TO WEBSITE FOR SHELTER – CONTACT US

WHAT ABOUT THE PARENT WHEN A CHILD LEAVES HOME?

For most parents their lives revolve around the children and family and have done for so many years. A child leaving home can be quite upsetting and daunting. Your baby is now all grown up and ready to make their own way through life.  

Here are some tips for you:

  1. Be supportive – You may not want your child to leave but deep down you know they need to. Therefore, encourage them and support their decision. They will be nervous enough without worrying about your feelings. 
  2. Help them budget – You already run a home so you will have an idea about all the expenses that your child will face. Go over their income and expenses with them and add to their expenses if they have left anything out. Help them make their income go a long way. Inform them where they can buy cheap furniture, about sales, reductions and cheaper food.
  3. Listen to their fears – Become a listening ear for your child. Let them tell you about how they really feel and whether they are apprehensive. Listen, be positive and reassuring, and supportive. 
  4. You are there and home will always be home – It is very important that you tell your child and inform them that your home will always be their home and you will always be there for them. This will make them feel secure.
  5. Give it a chance – You will be worried about whether your child can look after themselves, whether they will eat properly and make the right lifestyle choices because you will not be there to guide them. You will now need to let them learn for themselves and make their mistakes so they can move forward and become homeowners and perhaps parents themselves one day. Support their choice, be there as a safety net but let them learn and figure things out for themselves.

WHAT IS EMPTY NEST SYNDROME?

Empty nest syndrome is when you feel sadness and sorrow when your child(ren) leaves home. This syndrome can be quite overwhelming especially if you were the primary caregiver and most of your life revolved around the family, the home and bringing up the children. 

As your children leave home to start their own lives you will watch the family unit which has given you so much warmth and security get smaller and smaller. You will not only miss your child and their presence but you will also need to come to terms with the fact that you will now have to move on with your own life. Your parenting role will change (parenting never stops) and you will have more time for yourself.

All of this can be very de-stabling especially if you are going through retirement, separation or the menopause at the same time. 

To summarise empty nest syndrome can be stressful because:

  1. Your role as the parent is changing.
  2. There is a transition from parent to independent parent.
  3. You cannot yet see that this change is refreshing and you may like it.
  4. The dread of trying to fill the void of time left by your children leaving.
  5. Your children do not need you in the same way they used to.
  6. You may be in middle of retirement, redundancy, separation, widowhood or the menopause
  7. Your marriage may not be what it used to be and you and your partner are not close anymore. Now you will have to face these issues and perhaps if you choose to become close to and focus on your spouse whereas before you were busy with the children. 
  8. Worry that your child will not be able to cope with looking after themselves and take on adult responsibilities.
  9. There may be a lack of understanding and empathy from other individuals around you who think children leaving home is a natural thing to do, so what is the issue?

WHAT CAN A PARENT DO TO HELP THEMSELVES DURING THIS PERIOD?

In advance 

  1. Plan in advance for this time period and have your own life in place or at least some semblance of a life so you do not feel lost when your children leave home.
  2. Keep your relationship with your partner alive. Do date night regularly, spend time together and keep the romance going.
  3. Maintain a social circle with many close friends who are part of your life.
  4. Maintain family relations.
  5. Keep up your own hobbies and interests.
  6. Maintain and keep your other identities alive such as lover, partner, friend and neighbour besides that of a parent.  

At the time

  1. Talk to your partner and arrange a date for both of you where you dress up and spend time with each other. Start to do this regularly. 
  2. Talk to your partner about how you feel and at the same time allow them to open up to you about how they feel.
  3. Start thinking about rekindling your career if you have been a stay at home parent.
  4. Start thinking about what you would like to do now you have more free time.
  5. Arrange more lunch dates with your friends.
  6. Think about starting a course, a new hobby or rekindle an old hobby.
  7. Make a list of everything you want to do or things you had wanted to do but put on the backburner. Now start to do these things.
  8. Join a gym and be part of their classes.

WHO CAN A PARENT CONTACT FOR HELP AND SUPPORT IF THEIR CHILD IS LEAVING HOME?

You can contact NSPCC – If your child is leaving home or has moved out you can contact the NSPCC and speak to them about your concerns.

LINK TO WEBSITE FOR NSPCC – CONTACT US

You can contact FAMILY LIVES – Family lives was previously known as parentline.  You can speak to them about your concerns that your child is leaving home. 

LINK TO WEBSITE FOR FAMILY LIVES – CONTACT US 

You can contact SUPPORTLINE – Supportline can provide confidential emotional support over the phone about your concerns that your child is leaving home. Their helpline number is 01708 765 200. You can also email them.

LINK TO WEBSITE FOR SUPPORTLINE – CONTACT US 

You can contact your local authority child services – You can call them directly or look on their website to see if there are any local support groups where you can get support.

LINK TO GOVERNMENT WEBSITE TO FIND YOUR LOCAL AUTHORITY

You can contact other organisations – 

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE TO CONNECT WITH CHARITABLE ORGANISATIONS THAT COULD HELP YOU.