Education and Child Matters

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Spoiling Children

 

WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A CHILD IS SPOILT?

A spoiled child is recognised as one that has been over indulged by his/her parents and as a result is showing behavioural issues.

The behavioural issues are sulking, throwing things and temper tantrums (kicking, screaming, shouting, crying and being rude) when the child doesn’t get what they want. 

A spoiled child is one that is used to and expects to get their own way and for everything to revolve around them. Their main emphasis is only themselves and they have no empathy or compassion for anyone else. 

WHAT ARE OTHER NAMES FOR SPOILT CHILDREN?

Spoiled children are also referred to as spoilt brats, little terror, whippersnapper, grandiose, snot nosed kid, and punk kid.

WHY DO PARENTS END UP SPOILING THEIR CHILD?

When parents do things, give things and provide for their children their intentions are often pure and good but they can end up spoiling their children without realising until it is too late. The parents’ intentions are:

  1. They may want to give their child all the things they never had as a child.
  2. They want to give their child the best of everything.
  3. They want to give their child the best opportunities to excel.
  4. The parents may give their child what they want so as not to upset them.
  5. They may be giving their child things to make up for the lack of time they are spending with their child.
  6. The parents let their children have what they want because they are too tired to say no.
  7. The parents let the child get away with bad behaviour because they do not know how to discipline their child.
  8. The parents are reliving their childhood through their children.

LET’S GO INTO MORE DETAIL ABOUT THE BEHAVIOUR OF A SPOILED CHILD

A spoiled child may exhibit the following behaviours:

  1. They are never happy or satisfied with whatever they have, they always want more.
  2. They get bored with what they have and move onto wanting the next thing quickly.
  3. They scream, shout and cry when they are told they cannot have something or they have to wait.
  4. They want to receive what they desire immediately. 
  5. They feel entitled.
  6. They do not like sharing.
  7. They are greedy.
  8. They can blame others for their bad behaviour and lack of achievements.
  9. They do not appreciate what is done for them.
  10. They are oblivious to the efforts and hard work behind what is given to them 
  11. They think highly of themselves.
  12. They are self-centred.
  13. They are persistent at getting what they want and can be manipulative to achieve their end. 
  14. They can expect remuneration for any chores that are asked from them. 
  15. They expect to be praised and complimented. 
  16. They can show no regard for others.
  17. They can be demanding
  18. They are not team players.
  19. They can be rude to others

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SPOILING A CHILD AND NURTURING A CHILD?

1. Spoiling your child – This means to give your child everything they want (such as attention and material things) whether they need it or not and let them have their way and if you don’t, your child will get upset. They can show you and others that they are upset by throwing a tantrum.

2. Nurturing your child – This means to meet your child’s needs by providing material things, attention and help to name a few so they can progress in life.

CAN YOU UNSPOIL AN SPOILT CHILD?

Yes you can if you are persistent and keep ‘that it is for the good of your child’ at the forefront of your mind. You must not feel guilty about what you are doing. You must be patient and allow your child to change. Your child will resist, will say they hate you and show you up but be strong because you can unspoil them. 

  1. Make saying ‘thank you’ mandatory in your home and encourage your children to do so. 
  2. Start to say ‘no’ to some things but not everything. When your child gets upset and throws a tantrum do not give in or let it get to you. Kindly explain that you mean well and that you are saying no because it is the right thing. Divert their attention and do something else and let them get used to their new way of life. 
  3. Start to teach them the pleasures of sharing and giving rather than receiving. Show them first hand the effect of giving on others and what a difference it can make to someone’s life.  
  4. Teach them how to enjoy what they have rather than constantly wanting more. Ask them about what they like about what they already have and then tell them you would like them to enjoy it for a while longer. 
  5. Teach them how to be thankful for what they have. Show them first hand how others less fortunate than them live and what struggles they have by taking them to a homeless shelter.
  6. Teach your child the value of money, how it is earnt and how to look after it. 
  7. Show your child what empathy is and what compassion and care is by doing these for others in front of and with your child. You both can help in a soup kitchen or help some neighbours.
  8. Give them chores (appropriate for their age) around the home so they do not take what others do in the home for granted.