Education and Child Matters

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Helping Your Child Manage Their Anger

 

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO HELP YOUR CHILD MANAGE THEIR ANGER?

Helping your child manage their anger is about controlling, calming down and teaching your child how to manage their anger so that they and others do not get hurt. 

WHAT ARE SOME EXAMPLES OF CHILD ANGER?

All children get angry as do all adults. However, when the child gets excessively angry at the littlest things and the anger becomes uncontrollable then there is a serious problem which is of concern and needs to be managed. 

Child anger can consist of a combination of the following behaviours:

  1. A child lashing out.
  2. A child throwing things.
  3. A child biting.
  4. A child hitting.
  5. A child screaming and shouting.
  6. A child cursing.
  7. A child being abusive.
  8. A child being threatening.

WHAT ARE SOME POSSIBLE REASONS WHY A CHILD CAN GET EXCESSIVELY OR UNCONTROLLABLY ANGRY?

There are many reasons that could make a child become angry and lose control:

  1. Your child is distressed so they are lashing out.
  2. They are frustrated because they cannot get their point across to someone.
  3. They feel not listened to.
  4. They cannot communicate their worries and fears.
  5. They do not know how to manage their feelings.
  6. They do not know how to solve their issues.
  7. They feel made fun of (ridiculed) and others are laughing at them.
  8. They are in pain.
  9. They are frightened.
  10. There is an underlying issue that is causing your child hurt and pain.
  11. They may be being bullied.
  12. They may have an undiagnosed. learning disability such as autism or ADHD.

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE TO 26 OF THE MOST COMMON CONDITIONS AND DISORDERS THAT ARE REGARDED AS SPECIAL NEEDS 

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO ACHIEVE FROM TEACHING YOUR CHILD HOW TO MANAGE THEIR ANGER?

Anger management is about teaching your child how to:

  1. Identify what makes them angry
  2. Spot the feelings within themselves that they are getting angry.
  3. How to not let their anger escalate
  4. How to direct their anger
  5. How to dissipate their anger

HOW CAN YOU TEACH YOUR CHILD TO MANAGE THEIR ANGER?

There are many tried and tested techniques that you can teach your child to control their anger. But before we go into these techniques the first thing your child must do is to be aware of their triggers. Sit down with your child and ask them what makes them angry. Make a list of everything that makes them see red and go out of control. Once your child has made a list, explain that they have two options – 

1. AVOID THESE TRIGGERS – If your child knows their triggers then it may be better to avoid them and not end up getting angry. However, this is not always possible so it is always better to teach your child how to control their anger.

2. IF THEY CANNOT AVOID THESE TRIGGERS THEN THEY MUST LEARN TO KEEP THEIR ANGER IN CONTROL –

    • If your child can feel their anger rising they can take time out of the situation to calm down. Once they are calm they can go back into the situation and deal with it with a calm mind.
    • Your child can slowly count to from 1 to 10 when they feel their anger rising. This technique will help them stay calm and by the time they have reached 10 their anger will have dissipated and they can calmly deal with the situation. 
    • Teach your child breathing exercises and meditation techniques. If your child feels anger rising they must excuse themselves and do some deep breathing even perhaps a little meditation. Once they are calm they can go back and deal with the situation in a calm manner. 
    • Give your child a stress ball to squeeze to remind them they must stay calm when their anger is triggered.
    • Give your child something that reminds them of a good calm feeling such as a little teddy bear or charm. When your child gets angry they must look at it or play with it so that it reminds them of good feelings and calmness. 
    • Teach your child to say some positive affirmation to themselves when they feel their anger rising. This could help them stay calm. Write these affirmations on a piece of paper that your child can keep in their pocket and they can take out when needed.
    • Ask your child to visualise something kind, soft and loving or calm and gentle when they start to get angry. This visualisation will stop their anger in its tracks.
    • Encourage your child to start a physical sport or martial art that they can use to release pent up anger or feelings on a constant basis.
    • Ask your child to think of a funny joke or funny scene in a movie when they feel their anger rising. This could help your child stay calm.

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR CHILD GETS ANGRY?

When your child gets angry the first thing you must do the following:

  1. Stay calm yourself and do not react in any way. 
  2. Take away and remove anything dangerous in the vicinity of your child. If they are in an area or room where they could hurt themselves (the kitchen where there are knives) try and move them to another room – to a safe environment.
  3. Start telling your child you understand they are angry and when they calm down you will discuss it and help them.
  4. Helping them does not mean you will give in to unreasonable demands they may have. 
  5. Try and calm them down by one of the techniques listed above in the section ‘how can you teach your child how to manage their anger’
  6. Once your child has calmed down, give them praise for their effort in calming themselves down.
  7. Then ask them to talk to you and tell you what made them angry. Listen carefully, intently, do not judge and interrupt. Help them deal with what made them angry.
  8. Now explain to your child how they could have handled it in a different manner instead of getting angry and they must try to make this their standard response. 

WHERE CAN YOU AS A PARENT TALK, GET HELP AND ADVICE?

You can contact NSPCC – If your child has anger issues you can contact the NSPCC and speak to them about your concerns. If the child is in danger they will call the police. 

LINK TO WEBSITE FOR NSPCC – CONTACT US

You can contact FAMILY LIVES – Family lives was previously known as parentline.  You can speak to them about your concerns if your child has anger issues.  

LINK TO WEBSITE FOR FAMILY LIVES – CONTACT US 

You can contact SUPPORTLINE – Supportline can provide confidential emotional support over the phone if your child has anger issues. Their helpline number is 01708 765 200. You can also email them

LINK TO WEBSITE FOR SUPPORTLINE – CONTACT US 

You can contact your local authority child services – You can call them directly or look on their website to see if there are any local support groups where you can get support.

LINK TO GOVERNMENT WEBSITE TO FIND YOUR LOCAL AUTHORITY

You can contact other organisations –

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE TO CONNECT WITH CHARITABLE ORGANISATIONS THAT COULD HELP YOU.

You can read our help guide for where you can reach out to get help if your child is a victim – 

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR WHERE CAN YOU REACH OUT TO GET HELP IF YOUR CHILD IS A VICTIM 

WHERE CAN YOUR CHILD TALK, GET HELP AND ADVICE?

Your child can contact CHILDLINE – If your child has anger issues and they need to talk to someone, they can call childline.

LINK TO WEBSITE FOR CHILDLINE – CONTACT US