Education and Child Matters

I AM L.I.P

I am a Litigant In Person

Trauma Of The Family Court And The Legal Process

 

The effect family and child court proceedings and all that comes with it can have on all aspects of your family’s physical, mental, emotional, and psychological health must never be underestimated. 

One of the things we at I AM L.I.P have found when speaking to people post family and child court proceedings is the detrimental effect the process had on their family’s well-being. And this was with a fair number of them having legal representation where their solicitor and barrister took on the bulk of the stress and pressure. Now imagine what it must be like for a litigant in person (a person who is involved in court proceedings and is not represented by a solicitor or barrister) who has to do all the leg work, the research, and the paperwork themselves.  

We do not take lightly what being a litigant in person in the family court can do to a person, so we hope this webpage goes some way in giving you support and making you feel that it is not just you being weak. We suggest that you join our forum, where there are plenty of other people who have been through the same, and you can connect with them.

During family and child court proceedings, trauma for members of your family can be broken down into three main areas:

1) Pre-family and child court proceedings – the unhappiness, tension and stress leading up to the court case

2) Mid-family and child court proceedings – the stress and worry during the court case

3) Post-family and child court proceedings – the aftermath when it finally catches up with you and your child.

1) Pre-family and child court proceedings – the unhappiness, tension and stress leading up to the court case

Family and child court proceedings trauma will start long before you, your ex-partner, children and family members become embroiled in the court process of sorting out family matters and child arrangements.

Rarely do families walk into family and child court proceedings skipping and holding hands. In the majority of cases there has already been major upheaval in the family home. Such as:

  • Arguments and fighting within the family.
  • The children may probably have witnessed some of these arguments.
  • There may be emotional instability within the family home and its members
  • There may be emotional instability and unhappiness at the breakdown of the family  
  • There may be trauma due to infidelity and betrayal– if this is what led to the breakdown of the family
  • There may be stress at what the future holds for all family members including children and the heartbreaking decisions that need to be made.
  • There may be confusion at why things have gone wrong.
  • There may be intense anger and pain within the family.
  • Guilty feelings may be present.
  • There may be worry, stress and confusion about whether court proceedings is the right thing to do,
  • Stress about the negative aspects of what change will bring, 
  • Worry about the long-term financial implications of the outcome of the court proceedings. 

All of the above will start to have a negative affect on your family’s health. On top of that if there has been domestic violence within the family, the following experiences and feelings will further impact the family’s health:

  • Violence
  • Length of time there has been physical injury
  • Abuse geared towards family members, i.e. children
  • Emotional abuse. 
  • The effect of coercive control. 
  • Being made to feel useless and stupid. 
  • Living with prolonged fear

When you finally make the decision to start family and child court proceedings, you will believe the stereotypical view that all the pain/stress will now be lifted because court papers have been filed, the courts are involved and freedom is around the corner. However, you suddenly realise this free, unburdened, and ready to get on with the rest of your life feeling that you are waiting for, does not arrive. Instead, for many, entering the next stage – what we have called mid-family and child court proceedings – brings with it a new cascade of issues that bombard your family’s health on top of the ones mentioned above.

2) Mid-family and child proceedings – the stress and worry during the court case

Although starting family and child court proceedings may have been the correct thing to do, the process brings with it a whole host of instability. For many people, being in the midst of the actual court process is the most unstable period in the whole process. Nothing has been settled and you are waiting for a hearing date to come through. 

It’s not just the court process and all that comes with it; for many people, it’s the prolonged length of time the court process can take. It should never be underestimated what putting your body and mind through continued stress for a lengthy period can do, especially when it’s hard to see an end to it all. And for some, it can last a few years. 

The children are often silent suffers in the whole process. You will have the added health effect of absorbing the pain and stress of the children and the guilt of how the court proceedings are affecting them. 

The health implications of being a litigant in person are enormous. 

When you embark upon the family and child proceedings without solicitors, you are indeed entirely on your own. You have to quickly figure out the process, how the courts work and how to do things and all without any legal or procedural knowledge. What will surprise you the most is how little help there actually is out there. This can leave you feeling:

  • Alone
  • Lost
  • Confused
  • Helpless and hopeless. 
  • Scared
  • Misunderstood
  • Shocked at how upsetting the whole process can be. 

Anywhere you turn, you will be told that they are unable to help you or give you legal advice. However, sometimes it’s not even legal advice you need, just something simple as where to send a document or what is the number of a form you need. You will quickly realise that the courts won’t even give you that. Going pillar to post and feeling like no one can help you can be detrimental to your health. These are concentrated shots of stress.

When you are a litigant in person, and the other side is represented.

This is another common scenario that occurs all too often in the family court. A litigant in person going up against a family law firm and barrister will feel like a David and Goliath situation. They will know every law, every rule, how to do things, and fill out forms without even breaking a sweat. This can add more stress to your situation as you are trying your level best to keep up. They know every nasty stunt to pull, all well within their codes of professional conduct. This can leave you feeling:

  • Bullied
  • Ganged up
  • Belittled

because you are now on the receiving end of:

  • Post separation abuse
  • Post separation abuse by proxy
  • Post separation litigation abuse.

Litigants in person have reported experiencing stress every time they receive a letter or an email from the other side. Eventually over a period of time, and especially if your court proceedings are acrimonious, these letters and emails can lead to long term physical and mental harm. It is quite common for litigants in person to suffer from PTSD and suffer breakdowns. 

3) Post-divorce – the aftermath when it finally catches up with you

Once you are in the realm of post-family and child proceedings, it is expected that you are meant to feel happy and throw a party. Why? Because the movies say so and it’s all the rage. Yet somehow you feel the complete opposite because you’ve probably just come out of what felt like a war zone. It is okay to be and feel broken. 

You must now not underplay recovery time. Please do not feel guilty for how you are feeling even if you feel like you should not be experiencing the following emotions: 

  • Guilty
  • Made a mistake
  • Regret
  • Grief
  • Mourning

The one thing that will happen without fail is you will get lots of advice. We have listed a few below:  

  1. Move on
  2. The children will get over it
  3. Stop wallowing in it
  4. Stop acting like a victim 
  5. Get over it

These statements will be coming from a good place and the individuals saying these statements mean well but it can have a detrimental effect on you. The statements above do not take into account your family’s trauma or the healing time required to recover not only for yourself but also for the children involved. You must not let anyone dictate to you what is the correct length of time needed to heal because to be honest there isn’t one. On top of that, you must not let anyone guilt trip you because everyone is expecting a different mode of behaviour from you than that you need to do for the betterment of you and your children.