Abusive Relationships
There is a write up on domestic violence and abuse elsewhere on this website. Please click on the link below.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR SAFEGUARDING CHIDREN FROM DOMESTIC ABUSE AND VIOLENCE
WHAT IS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?
An abusive relationship is when one individual/partner carry’s out behaviours to get control and power over the other partner.
The abuse can encompass the following behaviours and many more:
- Physical abuse
- Emotional abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Coercive control
- Intimidation
- Isolation
- Causing mental distress
WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOUR CHILD INFORMS YOU THEY ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?
It can be very shocking to learn that your child is in an abusive relationship. It may leave you feeling upset, hurt, scared and distressed. Your world has suddenly turned upside down. You will have thousands of thoughts and questions racing around in your head. Be easy on yourself, don’t blame yourself and start thinking you could have been a better parent and start preparing yourself mentally to handle the situation with kindness, care and dignity. Follow the steps below.
Go hug your child and show them some love – Please remember prior to informing you that they are being abused, your child will have spent time terrified with the thought that they would have to face you. They will be traumatised themselves. Therefore, before dealing with your own reaction please give them a hug and reassure them that together they will get through this and that you are with them.
Your reaction can either calm your child down and keep the situation in hand. Your support will carry them through all the emotions, any health concerns and other issues they will face.
Let your child speak if they want to – Listen quietly and carefully to your child.
- Hold their hand if they are acceptable to it.
- Tell them they have done the right thing by informing you.
- Do not interrupt them as they speak.
- At this stage do not ask many questions. Let them get it all out.
- Try not to react. Stay calm.
- If your child sees you distressed they will close up
Inform your child they are not at fault – Your child needs to hear you believe that they are not at fault for what has happened. This will go a long way in them feeling that they must not punish themselves for what has happened.
Inform your child you believe them and are taking what they have said seriously – It is important that your child hears the words that you believe what they are saying. This will give them confidence to open up more. The word that you are going to take what they say seriously conveys that you are going to protect them and do something to stop what is happening to them.
Inform your child what you are going to do to keep them safe – Tell your child they are now safe and nobody is going to hurt them. You will take care of them and report the perpetrator(s) to the police.
ARE THERE ANY STEPS YOU CAN TAKE AS A PARENT TO REDUCE THE PROBABILITY OF YOUR CHILD BEING IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?
You cannot be 100% sure that your child’s relationship will not be abusive, however you can make sure your child is aware of the following:
- What an abusive relationship is.
- They can identify an abusive relationship.
- What are the signs of an abuser?
- How to get out of an abusive relationship?
- The right thing to do is to inform you immediately that abuse is taking place?
WHAT IS CLARE’S LAW?
Clare’s law was passed in 2014 and concerns the domestic violence disclosure scheme (DVDS). Under this scheme, you can ask the police about the history, offences, violent behaviour, convictions of domestic violence, or anything they hold on record that could put you at risk against a person whom you may be in a relationship with. Information can only be given to the person who is at risk or someone who can protect them. At present, the police aim to give you the information within 35 days. Of course, many police forces across the country fail to meet this target set by the home office. The police can refuse your request. Clare’s law is named after Clare Wood who was killed by her partner in 2009. She didn’t know of his violent history against women. You can call 101, visit a police station, or make an online application.
LINK TO MAKING AN APPLICATION UNDER CLARE’S LAW.
WHERE CAN YOU REPORT IF YOUR CHILD IS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP AND IS BEING ABUSED?
You can contact the Police – You can dial 999 if a child is at risk or a crime has been committed. Alternatively if there is no emergency you can dial 101 or file a report online.
LINK TO POLICE WEBSITE TO REPORT A CRIME ONLINE
You can contact Crimestoppers – You can report a crime anonymously to crimestoppers. Their telephone number is 0800 555 111.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR CRIMESTOPPERS.
WHERE CAN YOU AS A PARENT TALK, GET HELP AND ADVICE?
You can contact the following to talk and get support:
You can contact the NSPCC – You can contact the NSPCC and speak to them about your concerns that your child is in an abusive relationship. If the child is in danger they will call the police.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR NSPCC – CONTACT US
You can contact FAMILY LIVES – Family lives was previously known as parentline. You can speak to them about your concerns that your child is in an abusive relationship.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR FAMILY LIVES – CONTACT US
You can contact SAMARITANS – The Samaritans are a free organisation that you can talk to about abusive relationships. Call their helpline on 116 123. They are available 24 hours a day. You can email them, chat online or write them a letter.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR SAMARITANS – CONTACT US
You can contact SUPPORTLINE – Supportline can provide confidential emotional support over the phone about abusive relationships. Their helpline number is 01708 765 200. You can also email them
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR SUPPORTLINE – CONTACT US
You can contact your local authority child services – You can call them directly or look on their website to see if there are any local support groups where you can get support.
LINK TO GOVERNMENT WEBSITE TO FIND YOUR LOCAL AUTHORITY
You can contact VICTIM SUPPORT – Victim support is a charity that can help individuals who have been the victim of a crime. They have a free confidential support telephone line and live chat. They are independent of the police.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR VICTIM SUPPORT – CONTACT US
You can contact other organisations –
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE TO CONNECT WITH CHARITABLE ORGANISATIONS THAT COULD HELP YOU.
You can read our help guide for where you can reach out to get help if your child is a victim –
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR WHERE CAN YOU REACH OUT TO GET HELP IF YOUR CHILD IS A VICTIM
WHERE CAN YOUR CHILD TALK, GET HELP AND ADVICE?
Your child can contact CHILDLINE – If your child is in an abusive relationship and they need to talk to someone, they can call childline.