Education and Child Matters

I AM L.I.P

I am a Litigant In Person

Calling You By Your First Name

 

This webpage will give you a general overview about your child calling you by your first name. We at I AM L.I.P are neither pro or against referring to and calling your parents by their first names. This is a choice for the parents of a child.

Across the world, in many cultures calling your parents by their first names is not accepted and seen as an insult. However, there are many other cultures (mainly in the western world) where this is the norm and it is totally accepted. 

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO CALL YOUR PARENTS BY THEIR FIRST NAMES?

Children normally call their parents ‘mummy’ and ‘daddy’ or variants of these two words. However, as children get older and attend university or start working, some children can start referring to their parents and calling them by their first name.

WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF A CHILD CALLING YOU BY YOUR FIRST NAME?

  1. It empowers the children
  2. There is a feeling of equality
  3. It allows children to speak up more
  4. Children are not afraid to say what they think
  5. A parent can develop a good connection with their child.
  6. It can create more trust between the parent and child.
  7. It can make both parent and child feel cool and trendy.
  8. You child feels mature 

WHAT ARE THE DRAWBACKS OF A CHILD CALLING YOU BY YOUR FIRST NAME?

  1. It doesn’t instil the respect that comes with a title or the respect that should be given to an elder.
  2. A child can start to feel entitled.
  3. A child can develop narcissistic traits
  4. It can lead to permissive parenting.
  5. The relationship can change from parent and child to friend and friend.
  6. The parents’ authority can be eroded over a period of time.
  7. Important boundaries start to be moved
  8. Hierarchy starts to be eroded.

IF YOUR CHILD WANTS TO REFER TO YOU BY YOUR FIRST NAME SHOULD YOU LET THEM?

A young impressionable child 

A young child will hear the adults around them refer to each other by their first names so a young child may start to mimic this behaviour and start to also refer to their parents by their first name. Although this may seem amusing at first it can become a habit and consensus is that it should be corrected.

At this age a child needs to understand authority. A child needs structure and rules to guide them through their childhood and this can only come through authority. They must listen to ‘mummy’ and ‘daddy’ to stay safe, protected and looked after. This power difference between the parent and child is vital if the child is going to respect what their parents are saying. 

If your child is calling you by your first name and you would like to change it, try the following 2 things:

  1. Explain to your child that there is a special relationship between a ‘mummy’ or ‘daddy’ and their child and you want to cherish that special relationship. 
  2. Tell your child only they get to call you ‘mummy’ or ‘daddy’ and no one else. This is because they are special. 

Try to slowly coax your child back to calling you ‘mummy’ or ‘daddy’ or something similar. Try not to make it a power struggle because your child could be experimenting with independence and pushing their boundaries. Finally, when they start calling you ‘mummy’ or ‘daddy’ again, give them a hug each time.

An adult child

In some cultures adult children (after 18 years of age) will start to refer to their parents by their first name. If this is acceptable to you and your family then this is the way forward and you should let it happen. However, if you’re uncomfortable or it is not an accepted part of your culture then please don’t be pressured to accept it.