Child Loss Through Rejection Of A Parent
Please note the following two points:
- The loss of a child through ‘parental rejection by a child’ is still a loss. The pain and suffering is still experienced by many parents across the country. It is a different type of loss from child death, abortion and abduction but nevertheless it is still a loss.
- If your child rejects you because you are an abusive person then they are rejecting you in order to protect themselves from further abuse and suffering. This write up is for those parents whose child has rejected them and the rejection is unreasonable, unnatural and unhealthy.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A CHILD REJECTS A PARENT?
This occurs when a child has chosen to have a very limited or not to have any form of relationship with one of their parents/the person with parental responsibility for them. Occasionally it can be both parents but this is very rare.
The type of rejection can vary in its severity from absolute ostracisation to just a phone call or text now and then.
FOR WHAT POSSIBLE REASONS COULD A CHILD REJECT A PARENT?
- The child hates the boundaries and discipline set by the parent and wants to be rebellious.
- They are going through a teenage phase.
- Your child has caught you committing adultery.
- Your child feels neglected by you
- Your child feels that you favour a sibling
- You keep letting them down.
HOW DOES A PARENT FEEL IF THEIR CHILD REJECTS THEM?
It can be extremely traumatising and painful for any parent when their child shows disdain for them, turns away from them, doesn’t want to speak to them and outrightly rejects them.
It is an emotionally battering and heart wrenching experience. A parent who experiences rejection by their child can feel the following emotions:
- Confused
- Devastated
- Loneliness
- Empty
- Abandoned
- Unloved
- Discarded
- Useless
- Worthless
- Angry
A parent will no doubt try and find fault in their behaviour and how they could have done things better or been a better parent. There will be many questions circulating round in your head such as:
- What could I have done differently?
- Where did I go wrong?
- Why did I say no?
- Could I have done better?
WHAT STEPS CAN A PARENT TAKE TO REPAIR THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR CHILD?
Unless there is a court order preventing you from doing so, it is very important that you try and maintain some sort of contact with your child to achieve the following:
- Your child knows you are not rejecting them.
- Your child is aware you are still there for them
- Your child understands you will accept them back when they are ready
- You child knows you are still their parent.
If possible try some of the following:
- Keep up the correspondence with your children even if they do not reply back to your letters or emails. One day you can say that you never stopped communicating with them even though they did.
- Ask your child what it would take for them to stop rejecting you. If your child opens up please listen without interruption, try and accommodate what they are saying and understand their point of view.
- Make the necessary changes that are required and are being asked of you.
- In your quiet moments try to go over what has happened between you and your child and try and pinpoint what went wrong and what was it that hurt your relationship with your child. This will allow you to find the root of the problem.
- Once you have realised what is wrong, admit it, own it, correct it and apologise.
- Show you care. Remember special events that mean something to your child and send a message or send a well thought out gift.
- Remember something that you both like doing or have in common and ask your child if they would like to do it. If it is a sports match, ask your child if they would accompany you if you bought some tickets.
- Be patient and show understanding towards your child. Think about what they are going through and how you can make it easier for them and help them get through. Listening to them is one option.
- If at all possible, get counselling to help you through this traumatic period.