Child Sexual Grooming (In Person)
For information about online child sexual grooming please click the link below
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR ONLINE CHILD ABUSE & ONLINE CHILD GROOMING
WHAT IS CHILD SEXUAL GROOMING (IN PERSON)?
Child sexual grooming is when someone befriends or develops a relationship with a child and sometimes also their family, gains their trust so they can exploit, manipulate and sexually abuse the child.
The connection the abuser develops allows them to reduce the inhibitions of the child making them more susceptible to the sexual abuse.
A child who has been groomed can be exploited sexually and in certain circumstances they can be trafficked.
An abuser who wants to groom your child may also groom the child’s parents to gain time alone with the child. If the parents are busy the abuser can offer to babysit the child, take the child to sports clubs, or coach and mentor your child. They may even try and spend more time at your home offering to do tasks to be useful or buy gifts for the family.
Grooming is a gradual process which can take place over a period of time. It is predatory behaviour.
WHAT ARE THE STAGES OF CHILD SEXUAL GROOMING AN ABUSER WILL GO THROUGH TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.
When dissected the process of child sexual grooming can be broken down into the following stages. It is important to show you these stages so that you, as a parent, can identify them and if you can stop them before it’s too late.
STAGE 1
The abuser will target your child and/or your family because they have noticed your child.
STAGE 2
They will try and establish a connection with your child and/or your family. Make friends with you and your partner, become useful and immerse themselves within your family. This will allow the abuser to gain access to your child.
STAGE 3
Next the abuser will gradually over a period of time try and get closer to your child, building trust with them, breaking down your child’s defences and establishing a secret relationship surrounded in secrecy. The abuser will give extra attention to your child, maybe gifts, and may start to make your child dependent on them. The child and abuser may start sharing some secrets that are just between them.
STAGE 4
Now the abuser will start sexual contact with your child. The abuser may start to touch your child or ask the child to touch. This will happen very slowly at first as the abuser assesses the child’s reaction. The abuser is now in a powerful position where they can coerce and push your child to engage in further abuse or simply encourage your child telling them it’s normal and there is a special bond between them.
Your child may not understand what is happening, they may feel confused but will go along with the abuser’s suggestions because of friendship, trust, loyalty or fear of upsetting the abuser.
STAGE 5
The abuser will now control the sexual relationship with your child and become closer.
Your child may continue the relationship with the abuser. Maybe out of fear and shame, blackmail, intimidation, or just misaligned trust and affection they have developed towards the abuser.
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE SIGNS THAT YOUR CHILD MAY DISPLAY WHEN THEY ARE BEING SEXUALLY GROOMED?
- Acquiring gifts and money without a proper explanation.
- Behaving very secretive about what they are doing
- Texting someone very often and not informing you who it is.
- Pulling away from the main family and spending more time alone
AS A PARENT HOW DO YOU HANDLE YOUR CHILD WHEN THEY INFORM YOU THEY HAVE BEEN GROOMED?
It can be very shocking to learn that your child has been groomed. Upon hearing the news you may be left upset, hurt, scared and distressed. Your world has suddenly turned upside down. You will have thousands of thoughts and questions racing around in your head. Be easy on yourself, don’t blame yourself and start thinking you could have been a better parent and start preparing yourself mentally to handle the situation with kindness, care and dignity. Follow the steps below.
Go hug your child and show them some love – Please remember prior to informing you that they have been groomed, your child will have spent days terrified with the thought that they would have to face you. They will be traumatised themselves. Therefore, before dealing with your own reaction please give them a hug and reassure them that together they will get through this and that you are with them.
Your reaction can either calm your child down and keep the situation in hand. Your support will carry them through all the emotions, any health concerns and other issues they will face.
Let your child speak – Listen quietly and carefully to your child.
- Hold their hand if they are acceptable to it.
- Tell them they have done the right thing by informing you.
- Do not interrupt them as they speak.
- At this stage do not ask many questions. Let them get it all out.
- Try not to react. Stay calm.
- If your child sees you distressed they will close up
Inform your child they are not at fault – Your child needs to hear you believe that they are not at fault for what has happened. This will go a long way in them feeling that they must not punish themselves for what has happened.
Inform your child you believe them and are taking what they have said seriously – It is important that your child hears the words that you believe what they are saying. This will give them confidence to open up more. The word that you are going to take what they say seriously conveys that you are going to protect them and do something to stop what is happening to them.
Inform your child what you are going to do to keep them safe – Tell your child they are now safe and nobody is going to hurt them. You will take care of them and report the perpetrator(s) to the police.
HOW CAN A PARENT PREVENT THEIR CHILD BEING SEXUALLY GROOMED?
Communicate with them from a young age regularly – Have an open and honest discussion with your child from about sexual grooming. Explain the harm it can do to their life.
Once you have explained to your child that sexual grooming is wrong and dangerous, then support them if they are distressed and/or frightened – Be vigilant about how you can support them.
- If they are scared about an incident , inform the school, the police or your local authority child services.
- Spend time with them and ask if they would like you to walk with them when they go out.
- Give them a phone with credit so they can call you when they feel scared.
- They can also call 999 if they feel threatened.
- Make sure the route they choose to come home is safe.
- Go over scenarios where your child knows what to say if they get themselves into trouble or they come across someone who wants to harm them.
- Encourage them to walk away from the perpetrator.
Try to be observant and know what your child is up to – There are many things we as parents can do to ensure our child is protected.
- Know your child’s circle of friends and who they hang out with.
- Inform your child that their friends are welcome to hang out at your place if you are able to.
- Be aware of where your child goes after school and at weekends
- May sure they are not hiding dangerous things in their possessions.
- Be aware of what your child views on social media.
- Be aware of what your child is ordering online.
Try and build a positive trusting relationship with your child – Your child should be able to come to you and talk to you, share their fears or when they feel scared or threatened. They will do this if you are approachable, you do not react and do not take what they say personally. When your child comes and talks to you it is about them, how they feel and what is happening to them. It is not about your parenting. It isn’t an opportunity to blame yourself. Your child will approach you if you:
- Listen intently without interruption.
- Do not judge them
- Do not take what they say personally
- Understand their reasons
- Do not react in a negative manner
- Try and find a positive outcome for your child.
- Support them through the whole episode.
WHO CAN YOU REPORT CHILD SEXUAL GROOMING TO?
There are many ways you can report child sexual grooming:
You can contact the Police – You can dial 999 if a child is at immediate risk or a crime has been committed. Alternatively if there is no emergency you can dial 101 or file a report online.
LINK TO POLICE WEBSITE TO REPORT A CRIME ONLINE
You can contact Crimestoppers – You can report a crime anonymously to crimestoppers. Their telephone number is 0800 555 111.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR CRIMESTOPPERS.
WHERE CAN YOU AS A PARENT TALK, GET HELP AND ADVICE?
You can contact NSPCC – If your child has suffered from sexual grooming you can contact the NSPCC and speak to them about your concerns. If the child is in danger they will call the police.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR NSPCC – CONTACT US
You can contact FAMILY LIVES – Family lives was previously known as parentline. You can speak to them about your concerns that your child has suffered from sexual grooming.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR FAMILY LIVES – CONTACT US
You can contact your local authority child services – You can call them directly or look on their website to see if there are any local support groups where you can get support.
LINK TO GOVERNMENT WEBSITE TO FIND YOUR LOCAL AUTHORITY
You can contact VICTIM SUPPORT – Victim support is a charity that can help individuals who have been the victim of a crime. They have a free confidential support telephone line and live chat. They are independent of the police.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR VICTIM SUPPORT – CONTACT US
You can contact other organisations –
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE TO CONNECT WITH CHARITABLE ORGANISATIONS THAT COULD HELP YOU.
You can read our help guide for where you can reach out to get help if your child is a victim –
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR WHERE CAN YOU REACH OUT TO GET HELP IF YOUR CHILD IS A VICTIM
WHERE CAN YOUR CHILD TALK, GET HELP AND ADVICE?
Your child can contact CHILDLINE – If your child has suffered from sexual grooming and they need to talk to someone, they can call childline.