Depleted Parent Syndrome

WHAT IS DEPLETED PARENT SYNDROME?

Depleted parent syndrome happens over a period of time where a parent starts to become overwhelmed physically, mentally, and emotionally with the demands on them as their resources (sleep, time, family) to help them day to day decrease at the same time. This parent finds it difficult to cope with the expectations around them.

Other names for depleted parent syndrome are parental burnout and parental exhaustion.

The environment created by a parent suffering from depleted parent syndrome can be toxic to the children in the family.

WHAT HAPPENS TO THE PARENT WHEN THIS HAPPENS?

The parent struggles in many ways:

1. The parent becomes emotionally sensitive.
2. They start to get worn out and exhausted.
3. They react to external triggers negatively.
4. They can develop brain fog.
5. The parents buttons get pushed easily.
6. They are reactive to the tiniest things and have knee jerk reactions.
7. They become self critical about their parenting.
8. They feel as if they are a failure.
9. They become fearful.
10. They are negative.
11. They bring up old negative memories and incidents and start to wallow.
12. They are constantly complaining about being a parent.
13. They feel isolated and alone.
14. They feel the world doesn’t understand them.

HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN?

Depleted parent syndrome happens to so many people without realising because it creeps up on you. You are so busy trying to cope that you don’t realise that it has come and made itself at home. Depleted parent syndrome happens when:

1. A parent is juggling working and parenting.
2. A parent feels overwhelmed with their parenting expectations. They are a counsellor, cook, cleaner, social coordinator, shopper, playmate, school runner and more.
3. A parent is recovering from having a baby.
4. A parent is neglecting themselves because they are tired or do not have the time.
5. A parent feels isolated and alone. Direct family lives far away and there is little social life.
6. There is sleep deprivation.

HOW CAN A PARENT AVOID OR RECOVER FROM DEPLETED PARENT SYNDROME?

Awareness is the key. This syndrome exists, it happens and if you have this syndrome then how you feel is genuine.

1. The saying states ‘it takes a village to raise a child’. No one ever has, no one does and no one ever will expect one or two people to do everything with regards to bringing up a family and working. Therefore it is vital to ask for and accept help from whatever form it comes in. It is not interfering when someone wants to help you nor is it a slight on your capabilities.

2. Be honest with those around you that you are overwhelmed so they can be patient with you and understand you.

3. Be honest with yourself about your capabilities and your limitations and only do what you can without exhausting yourself. You are not a super person so try not to be.

4. Take 5 when it’s really chaotic. Every hour take 5 minutes for yourself when you are overwhelmed and sit down. Breathe, stabilise yourself, stretch, massage your feet, make yourself a cup of tea, read a funny joke and massage your own shoulders. 

5. Prioritise jobs. Not every job has to be done. Only do the most important necessary jobs and if you manage to get round to other jobs do so but if you don’t then leave them. Don’t stress yourself over them.

6. If you practise number 5 above and people around you comment on how messy your kitchen is or that you have not hooved, politely inform these people that you have made a choice to prioritise important jobs. If they continue then remove them from your life. 

7. Go for a walk everyday. Even a walk to the local shops to buy something will get you out of the house.

8. Take a supplement on top of eating well. This will help with your energy levels.

9. Keep yourself dehydrated by drinking lots of water.

10. Connect with friends, family and support groups. Stay close, keep in touch and enjoy the interactions. Care for these relationships and do not let them fall by the wayside because they are important.