Education and Child Matters

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Porn

 

WHAT IS PORN?

Porn is short for pornography. This is the showing of a human being without any clothes on or very limited clothing where their genitals can be seen. Porn is also the showing of people in sexual acts.

WHAT METHODS OF PORN ARE THERE?

Porn is available in magazine format, books, films (video and DVD), television programmes and channels, online photos or films and photographs.  

WHAT IS THE LEGAL AGE AN INDIVIDUAL CAN VIEW PORN?

In the UK the legal age an individual can view any type of porn is 18 years of age.

WHAT TYPE OF PORN IS ILLEGAL TO PRODUCE, ACCESS, POSSESS AND WATCH EVEN IF YOU ARE OVER 18 YEARS OF AGE?

It is illegal to produce, access, distribute, possess, publish and watch the following types of porn:

1. Child porn – Under the protection of children act 1978 it is illegal to produce, access, distribute, possess, publish and watch any porn involving children under the age of 18 years.

LINK TO GOVERNMENT WEBSITE FOR PROTECTION OF THE CHILDREN ACT 1978

2. Extreme violent porn – Any porn that involves extreme violence, life threatening injuries, killing and rape.

It is illegal to distribute, post or share the following porn without the individual’s consent:

3. Revenge porn – Any video, image or text that is shared concerning an ex partner in order to shame and embarrass them. 

WHAT CAN A PARENT DO TO SAFEGUARD THEIR CHILD FROM ACCESSING PORN?

In today’s world it is practically impossible to keep all porn away from your child. However, you can make a huge difference in how much your child can access. Below are some tips:

Parental controls and internet filters – Parental controls and internet filters are software. Parental control software can allow a parent to control the time their child spends on a device and what apps and images they can download. An internet filtering software will not allow a child access to certain websites, images and content.

Computers in a public room – Children should be working on a computer in an open area in your house where you can see what they are doing.

Talk to your children about porn – It is advisable to talk to your children about porn, types of porn and indecent images. Explain what they are and how they are for adults. Talk to your children from an early age that they must inform you if they see indecent pictures, indecent videos and if they come across websites that are not intended for them. Keep conversations simple, don’t make a big deal of it and don’t scare your children.

Monitor and check their social media accounts regularly – Depending upon their age, it is advisable to have the passwords to your children’s social media accounts and check what their friends are saying and what images they are looking at and being sent.

The team here at IAMLIP came across an interesting article about until what age should you have your child’s passwords. Please click on the link below. 

LINK TO WEBSITE FOR McAFEE FOR ARTCILE ON ‘DO YOU KNOW YOUR CHILD’S PASSWORD? – BY ALEX MERTON-McCANN

Monitor and check their phone regularly – You cannot control what images and websites your child will look at on their phone while away from home. Depending upon their age, it is advisable to check their phones from time to time, especially the history.

The team here at IAMLIP came across an interesting article about until what age should you have your child’s passwords. Please click on the link below. 

LINK TO WEBSITE FOR McAFEE FOR ARTCILE ON ‘DO YOU KNOW YOUR CHILD’S PASSWORD? -BY ALEX MERTON-McCANN 

Take their phones at night to recharge – Make it a rule in your home, all the phones that belong to the children have to be removed from their rooms at night and placed in a safe place in the house.  This will make sure they are not on their phones while they should be sleeping or watching porn. 

TALKING TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT AND SAFEGUARDING YOUR CHILD FROM PORN?

Communicate regularly with them from a young age – Have an open and honest discussion with your child from a young age about porn. Explain that porn exists but it is only meant for adults. Try not to make a big deal about porn, talk calmly about it. Inform your children about the following points:  

1. Porn does not show a realistic image of sexual acts – Inform your children that the majority of porn is rehearsed and the actors are acting. The actors are directed and it is very different from real life.

2. Porn can distort how children and teenagers view their bodies – Explain to your child that the images they are seeing are airbrushed and most of the actors have had surgery to enhance many of their features. It is not real. Also explain that the videos have been edited to look the way they do but real life is so different.

3. Porn can stereotype males and females – For example females like to be touched without consent, their hair pulled or they like to be spanked.

Once you have explained the dangers of porn to your child, support them if they are distressed or fightened – Be vigilant about how you can support them. 

  1. If your child is distressed about porn or they have accessed images that are illegal, inform the school, the police or your local authority child services.
  2. Spend time with your children and comfort them.
  3. Go over scenarios where your child knows what to do if they come across images and videos on the internet that are not appropriate. They must inform you
  4. Encourage them to say no and keep away from porn on the internet.

Try to be observant and know what your child is up to – There are many things a parent can do to ensure their child is protected.

  1. Be aware of what your child views on social media and on the internet.
  2. Be aware of what your child is ordering online.
  3. Be aware of the images your child is looking at and storing on their phone.
  4. Be aware of what your child has in their school bag.

Try and build a positive trusting relationship with your child – Your child should be able to come to you and talk to you, share their fears or when they feel scared or threatened. They will do this if you are approachable, you do not react and do not take what they say personally. When your child comes and talks to you it is about them, how they feel and what is happening to them. It is not about your parenting. It isn’t an opportunity to blame yourself. Your child will approach you if you:

  1. Listen intently without interruption.
  2. Do not judge them
  3. Do not take what they say personally 
  4. Understand their reasons
  5. Do not react in a negative manner
  6. Try and find a positive outcome for your child.
  7. Support them through the whole episode.
  8. Show love, empathy, care and compassion.

CAN PORN DAMAGE A CHILD OR TEENAGER?

Yes it can if viewed excessively, on a regular basis or the wrong type of porn is viewed such as porn that includes violence.

  1. A child can become addicted to porn if they watch it excessively.
  2. If watched regularly a child may start getting desensitised to the type of porn they are watching and start wanting more explicit or graphic porn.
  3. Excessive porn watching can result in initiating unhealthy desires especially if the wrong type of porn is being watched.  
  4. Excessive porn watching can eat into study, sleep and social time.
  5. Excessive porn can divert focus from other aspects of life.
  6. It can lead to isolation.
  7. It can lead to hatred of others who may be portrayed in a negative manner in the type of porn being watched.
  8. It can lead to trouble with relationships especially in marriage.
  9. There is a higher risk of inappropriately touching or assaulting other children.

WHERE CAN YOU AS A PARENT TALK, GET HELP AND ADVICE? 

You can contact NSPCC – If your child is watching porn you can contact the NSPCC and speak to them about your concerns. If the child is in danger they will call the police. 

LINK TO WEBSITE FOR NSPCC – CONTACT US

You can contact FAMILY LIVES – Family lives was previously known as parentline.  You can speak to them about your concerns that your child is watching porn. 

LINK TO WEBSITE FOR FAMILY LIVES – CONTACT US 

You can contact your local authority child services – You can call them directly or look on their website to see if there are any local support groups where you can get support.

LINK TO GOVERNMENT WEBSITE TO FIND YOUR LOCAL AUTHORITY

You can contact other organisations – 

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE TO CONNECT WITH CHARITABLE ORGANISATIONS THAT COULD HELP YOU.

You can read our help guide for where you can get help if your child is a victim – 

LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR WHERE CAN YOU REACH OUT TO GET HELP IF YOUR CHILD IS A VICTIM 

WHO CAN YOU AS THE CHILD OR TEENAGER CONTACT TO TALK ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT PORN?

A child can call ‘childline’ and talk about their concerns and how they feel.

LINK TO WEBSITE FOR CHILDLINE – CONTACT US

HAVE THE UK INTRODUCED AGE VERIFICATION FOR ONLINE PORN WEBSITES?

Yes they have and it was introduced on 15-07-2019. The legislation states that all online porn websites must implement technology that checks the age of their users is 18 years and over.

If these websites do not do this, they can have their payment systems withdrawn and refused access to the UK audience.

LINK TO GOVERNMENT WEBSITE FOR AGE-VERIFICATION FOR ONLINE PORNOGRAPHY.

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU CATCH YOUR CHILD WATCHING PORN OR IF THEY HAVE INDECENT IMAGES ON THEIR ELECTRONIC DEVICE (PHONE)

It can be very shocking to learn that your child has accessed and is looking at porn. It may leave you feeling upset, hurt, and distressed. Your world has suddenly turned upside down. You will have thousands of thoughts and questions racing around in your head. Be easy on yourself, don’t blame yourself and don’t start thinking you could have been a better parent. Start preparing yourself mentally to handle the situation with kindness, care and dignity. Follow the steps below.

Do not embarrass or humiliate your child – When you catch your child looking at porn or if they come to you to inform you that they have accessed distressing images please do not get angry, shout or tell them off. Try not to call them names and say what they are doing is dirty, disgusting or wrong. 

As a parent you need to handle the situation calmly and get your child to trust you and open up to you and they will if you stay calm.

Talk to your child – Before dealing with your own reaction please give them a hug and reassure them that together you will get through this and that you are with them. Your reaction can either calm your child down and keep the situation in hand. Your support will carry them through all the emotions, any concerns and other issues they will face.

Let your child speak if they want to – Listen quietly and carefully to your child. 

  1. Hold their hand if they are acceptable to it. 
  2. Tell them they have done the right thing by informing you. 
  3. Do not interrupt them as they speak. 
  4. At this stage do not ask many questions. Let them get it all out. 
  5. Try not to react. Stay calm.
  6. If your child sees you distressed they will close up.

WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOUR CHILD HAVE ACCESSED ILLEGAL PORN?

Accessing illegal porn can be quite damaging for a child. It can cause distress and upset. 

Follow the steps below.

Go hug your child and show them some love – Please remember prior to informing you that they have accessed illegal porn and got themselves into trouble, your child will have spent time terrified with the thought that they would have to face you. They will be traumatised themselves. Therefore, before dealing with your own reaction please give them a hug and reassure them that together you will get through this and that you are with them.

Your reaction can either calm your child down and keep the situation in hand. Your support will carry them through all the emotions, any health concerns and other issues they will face.

Inform your child they are not at fault – Your child needs to hear you believe that they are not at fault for what has happened. This will go a long way in them feeling that they must not punish themselves for what has happened.  

Inform your child you believe them and are taking what they have said seriously – It is important that your child hears the words that you believe what they are saying. This will give them confidence to open up more. The word that you are going to take what they say seriously conveys that you are going to protect them and do something to stop what is happening to them.

Inform your child what you are going to do to keep them safe – Tell your child they are now safe and nobody is going to hurt them. You will take care of them and report the perpetrator(s) on what has happened to the police or put internet filters in place.