Rape And Sexual Assault On A Date
WHAT IS DATE RAPE?
Date rape is the intentional penetration of a vagina, anus or mouth by a penis that takes place during or after a date where one party has not given consent.
This is different from assault by penetration which is the penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth with another object other than a penis without consent.
There may be many reasons why consent may not have been given. They are:
- The individual didn’t want to have any form of penetrative sex.
- The person was intoxicated and was unable to give consent.
- The person was incapacitated and was unable to give consent.
WHAT IS SEXUAL ASSAULT ON A DATE?
Sexual assault on a date is when a sexual act is inflicted upon someone without their consent. The term sexual assault can also includes forcing someone to witness a rape or sexual assault.
Sexual assault can include the following:
- Attempted rape
- Actual rape
- Penetration of any form
- Touching genitals
- Someone taking photos or a video of you naked, in a sexual position or partly clothed with your genitals showing.
- Exposing themselves to you.
There may be many reasons why consent may not have been given. They are:
- The person did not want to engage or participate in any form of sexual activity
- The person was intoxicated and was unable to give consent.
- The person was incapacitated and was unable to give consent.
Another name for sexual assault is indecent assault or sexual battery.
WHAT IS THE AGE OF CONSENT FOR SEXUAL ACTIVITY?
The law in the UK states that a child under 16 years of age is unable to give consent to participate in any form of sexual activity.
It is a crime to have sex with a child under 16 years of age.
WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOUR CHILD INFORMS YOU THEY HAVE BEEN DATE RAPED OR SEXUALLY ASSAULTED?
It can be very shocking to learn that your child has been date raped or sexually assaulted. It may leave you feeling upset, hurt, scared and distressed. Your world has suddenly turned upside down. You will have thousands of thoughts and questions racing around in your head. Be easy on yourself, don’t blame yourself and start thinking you could have been a better parent and start preparing yourself mentally to handle the situation with kindness, care and dignity. Follow the steps below.
Go hug your child and show them some love – Please remember prior to informing you that they have been date raped or sexually assaulted, your child will have spent time terrified with the thought that they would have to face you. They will be traumatised themselves. Therefore, before dealing with your own reaction please give them a hug and reassure them that together they will get through this and that you are with them.
Your reaction can either calm your child down and keep the situation in hand. Your support will carry them through all the emotions, any health concerns and other issues they will face.
Let your child speak if they want to – Listen quietly and carefully to your child.
- Hold their hand if they are acceptable to it.
- Tell them they have done the right thing by informing you.
- Do not interrupt them as they speak.
- At this stage do not ask many questions. Let them get it all out.
- Try not to react. Stay calm.
- If your child sees you distressed they will close up
Inform your child they are not at fault – Your child needs to hear you believe that they are not at fault for what has happened. This will go a long way in them feeling that they must not punish themselves for what has happened.
Inform your child you believe them and are taking what they have said seriously – It is important that your child hears the words that you believe what they are saying. This will give them confidence to open up more. The word that you are going to take what they say seriously conveys that you are going to protect them and do something to stop what is happening to them.
Inform your child what you are going to do to keep them safe – Tell your child they are now safe and nobody is going to hurt them. You will take care of them and report the perpetrator(s) to the police.
ARE THERE ANY PREVENTATIVE MEASURES THAT YOUR CHILD COULD TAKE?
These preventative measures are a general guideline. They are not a given. We are not under circumstances saying here that if someone didn’t take these measures then they are at fault. They are not. The person who committed the rape or assault is always at fault.
Please keep in mind the following when you are going on a date:
1. Alcohol and drugs compromise a person’s ability to say no so please do not overdrink and take any drugs.
2. Meet in a public place (a restaurant) not in a secluded place or at their home or room.
3. Arrange your own transport to and from the restaurant or venue where you are meeting your date. Have a transport app on your phone, ask a friend to pick you up or take public transport.
4. Take your mobile phone with you and make sure it’s charged. Call a friend when you turn up and when you leave to inform them that you are alright. Ask them to text you a few times throughout the date so you can inform them if you are frightened. You can send your friend a photo of your date and any personal details you may have.
5. Say something, make a scene and make it known if you feel coerced, forced, or pressured by your date to engage in sexual activity.
6. Trust your instinct. If you feel scared or uneasy, make an excuse and leave. You can say you are not feeling well and you have asked your friend to pick you up.
7. Make it clear to your date that sexual activity is not on the cards.
8. Do not accept open drinks where the lid or top has been removed. It could contain a date rape drug. Watch the barman make the drink yourself.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR SPIKING DRINKS, INJECTING AND GIVING A DRUG
9. Be careful and try to be observant that no one slips a drug into your glass.
WHERE CAN YOU REPORT IF YOUR CHILD HAS BEEN DATE RAPED?
You can contact the Police – You can dial 999 if a child is at risk or a crime has been committed. Alternatively if there is no emergency you can dial 101 or file a report online.
LINK TO POLICE WEBSITE TO REPORT A CRIME ONLINE
You can contact Crimestoppers – You can report a crime anonymously to crimestoppers. Their telephone number is 0800 555 111.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR CRIMESTOPPERS.
WHERE CAN YOU AS A PARENT TALK, GET HELP AND ADVICE?
You can contact the following to talk and get support:
You can contact the NSPCC – You can contact the NSPCC and speak to them about your concerns that your child has been date raped. If the child is in danger they will call the police.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR NSPCC – CONTACT US
You can contact FAMILY LIVES – Family lives was previously known as parentline. You can speak to them about your concerns that your child has been date raped.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR FAMILY LIVES – CONTACT US
You can contact SAMARITANS – The Samaritans are a free organisation that you can talk to about date rape. Call their helpline on 116 123. They are available 24 hours a day. You can email them, chat online or write them a letter.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR SAMARITANS – CONTACT US
You can contact SUPPORTLINE – Supportline can provide confidential emotional support over the phone about date rape. Their helpline number is 01708 765 200. You can also email them.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR SUPPORTLINE – CONTACT US
You can contact your local authority child services – You can call them directly or look on their website to see if there are any local support groups where you can get support.
LINK TO GOVERNMENT WEBSITE TO FIND YOUR LOCAL AUTHORITY
You can contact VICTIM SUPPORT – Victim support is a charity that can help individuals who have been the victim of a crime. They have a free confidential support telephone line and live chat. They are independent of the police.
LINK TO WEBSITE FOR VICTIM SUPPORT – CONTACT US
You can contact other organisations –
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE TO CONNECT WITH CHARITABLE ORGANISATIONS THAT COULD HELP YOU.
You can read our help guide for where you can reach out to get help if your child is a victim –
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR WHERE CAN YOU REACH OUT TO GET HELP IF YOUR CHILD IS A VICTIM
WHERE CAN YOUR CHILD TALK, GET HELP AND ADVICE?
Your child can contact CHILDLINE – If your child has suffered from date rape and they need to talk to someone, they can call childline.